It seems this colloquial saying, “You Can Put Lipstick On A Pig, But It’s Still A Pig”, is making the rounds – and causing quite a row – in the current U.S. presidential campaigns. According to the “Urban Dictionary”, this phrase is slang for when someone tries to dress something up to make it look better than it really is.

Yes, it is true. No matter whether it is lipstick, perfume or a tuxedo, a pig is still a pig. Now, before the animal rights people start e-mailing me let me go on record that – I have nothing at all against pigs!

However, it did stimulate me to think about the way that people communicate. You see, phenomenally successful people work constantly on their “people skills”. In the popular motivation and success system, The Power of Concentration, the author wrote that…

“The first, and most critical, area is the relationships you have with others as well as what and how you COMMUNICATE in those relationships.”

The manner in which you communicate, not only

#1) what you say, that is, your choice of words, #2) how you say it, and #3) the situation or circumstance in which you communicate, can either make you (more) successful OR make you appear or perceived to be just like the “poor pig” in our opening example – all dressed up to look better than it is!

And, with that in mind, here is the key takeaway of my motivational story. Be careful of what I call “the colorful metaphors”. You may also know them as the dreaded “four-letter words!

For example, last week I met a potential client, who I will call “Karen” who despite her current status in life injected these “colorful metaphors” quite liberally in the conversation. Now, I’m not talking about “shucks” or “darn” as examples, I’m talking about the “queen mother” of all four-letter words among others. Yes, it was the nuclear “F-bomb”!

The truth is, without quality communication with the people that you relate to on a daily basis, whether they are at your place of business, in your personal life or at the shopping mall, you can not attract the building blocks that lead to success.

Poor communication, especially when using “colorful metaphors and four-letter words”, affects the way others perceive, understand and react to you. The people who communicate best are the ones that are the most successful. Look at any of the successful people that you know and study the way that they communicate. You will quickly see through their words, body language and tonality their formula for success. You will also notice that they listen more than they talk. When it is time for them to talk, they ensure that they TAKE THE RESPONSIBILITY for the other party to understand what they are saying.

And, it does not matter what your current situation or circumstance is. Whether you are on the path to success or already believe you are successful. It does not matter if you already have a high-level of financial comfort, a college or university education, an expensive watch, luxury car or you or your spouse own a business. The cold, hard truth is that the person who does not take the responsibility for the words they choose lacks self control, self discipline and will quickly and positively lose the respect of the people they deal with.

Period.

Be aware and watch these simple, yet critical, interpersonal skills every day as they will take you far along your path to success. Be careful not to take the “Ready, Fire, Aim” approach in communicating with others. Manage your thoughts by developing your self control and self mastery. There is a Chinese Proverb that reads, “A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials.” Practice everyday, and soon you will be making a powerful and positive impression, (without lipstick or a tuxedo), no matter where you are on your quest for personal development, success or self improvement.

Why so?

Quite simply it’s because of the energy that these people send out to other people. These vibrations are weak and they tell others that a person is not sure of themselves and not confident. Negative energy attracts other negative energy. Many people go through life wondering why happiness and good things never come their way. Could it be that what they think and believe affects how they look and feel and ultimately affects how people feel and act towards them?

Feeling good and projecting good can begin with a few simple steps. Begin by believing that you’re o.k. Remember it doesn’t matter what anyone else might tell you. It matters what you think.

Remind yourself of the things that you’ve done to support the fact that you’re o.k. They don’t have to be big things. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Little things make big differences. Allow yourself to feel the feeling of “you’re o.k.” It’s a nice feeling. Surround yourself with it for a while.

Remind yourself to smile when you are out and about. A smile is inviting and sends out a great energy. It welcomes people to you others. Remember to look at people in the eyes when you talk to them and walk tall, straight and proud. You’ll be amazed at how much better you feel when you carry yourself in a strong, confident fashion and smile.

All of these are very simple things to do. Even though simple, they make a world changing difference when practiced regularly. Let your good energy come out.

To your best,

Fred Nicklaus

It helps to ask ourselves how we would speak to someone we admired and respected. What kind of food would we serve this person? How would we go out of our way to make this visitor feel nurtured and welcome? Would we give him or her moments of our undivided attention? If we were buying clothes for this individual, what quality would we buy? Would we use our best china, crystal, and linens, or would just any old thing do?

Our actions toward ourselves say a great deal about the value we place on our own needs, wants, and desires. It is essential that we stop expecting others to treat us better than we treat ourselves. We can try these tips for making ourselves a priority in our own lives.

1. Take a moment before we get out of bed in the morning to stretch, savor the sensation of being alive, and set clear intentions for what we want our day to look like.

2. Check in with ourselves on a regular basis and ask some of these questions: What do I need to do for myself in this moment? If I were determined to make the most out of this day, what would I do? What are the sensations in my body right now? What does IT need? What matters most to me today? If I made taking care of myself a priority today, what would I do differently?

3. Find a way to pamper ourselves each day – reading a good book, taking a walk, getting a manicure/pedicure, taking time to enjoy our meals, talking to a friend, writing a letter, spending time with a journal, meditating, napping, etc.

4. Learn to enjoy our own company.

5. Dress to please ourselves.

5. Drink a favorite beverage from a beautiful crystal goblet or coffee mug.

6. Eat foods we love, and serve them to ourselves on our best china.

7. Rid our closets of clothes that no longer suit us, and only wear what we absolutely love.

8. Have a “spa” night on a regular basis.

9. Schedule time for ourselves in our appointment calendars.

10. Wrap small surprise gifts for ourselves, and open them when the mood suits us.

11. Write letters of appreciation to ourselves.

12. At the end of the day, take time for reflection.

Copyright 2008 by Holly Cox, L.C.P.C., C.D.C®